i keep meaning to put stuff here, but everytime i come up with something to talk about, i'm not at a computer, and when i do get to one, i've lost the desire to. everyone else is putting stuff in theirs, and i started this before they had one. i really don't want this to be a journal, or diary. i'd like to try my best and not write anything in here out in the first person. this entry will be more of a first person entry. i want this to be confessions of how i think, but without the first person perspective, but right now it's too late, and it would just be easier to put it in the first person.

to me religion is almost a waste of time. i think it's over-rated, and over-abused. people get too blinded by the word "religion." it's almost as though it's a socialite club now. "oh, what church do you go to?" or "what denomination are you?" when it's all over the same book, well, for christianity, and catholicism as far as i know. other religions basically follow the same pattern.

why can't we just have a "way of life?" why can't it be "faith" rather than religion? or an "idea?" do it for yourself, not for a group of people who meets at least once a week at the same time. i mean, yea, if you want to meet and be around others who share your views, than more power to you, but do you have to be lead by someone else? can't you figure it out for yourself? i see these die hards in their religions, following their pastors, or reverends, or priests, or whatever they are, and following their ideas- why do you want to follow them when they can make the same mistakes? if you're so into following the lord, or whatever you "follow", then follow them and do it on your own. find yourself, and not let someone else decide who and what you are and how you should go about being that person.

i think we messed up. i don't think this is how it was supposed to be. religion. wars are fought over it. and it's all stupid. who's right, who's wrong. who gives a crap? maybe somewhere in the bible it says follow your pastor. i know it says something about a holy day, and keeping it, and worshipping on that day, blah blah blah. i can't really get into the bible, it reminds me too much of a fable book i had as a child, and other parts remind me of being scolded. i just never could get into reading it. i guess maybe because parts of me still have the same ideals and thoughts i had when i was atheist. or maybe it's just my lack of faith in man (meaning men, women, children).

i just see these people, and i think of them as wandering, as cattle, who just follow along, don't question, just do as they're told and taught, without fully understanding what faith is. they don't believe, they just do as they've been brought up to do. when i think of the word faith, i think of walking down a staircase- can you go down the staircase without looking at the steps? even i look on a regular basis. but i see these people, who will be the first to tell you and talk about god, jesus, and everything holy and not holy, and i can't help but think "i've seen this all before, i've heard this all before, you're nothing new, you need something bad to happen in your life, test your resolve, your faith, your "religion", then come back to me and we'll see what you have to say." i just can't help but think "damn you're blinded" but then for some i think they're better off that way. and it takes almost everything in me to keep from taking that away from them.

i think we got it wrong. i think we messed up.